December 2000

STRATICS OWNS ME [Author: Lum the Mad]

But only because, you know, I sat in EQHoC. Which I could probably post a transcript of, except that this last note at the end frightened and confused me:

[Greebo] While we are happy to invite non Stratics web sites to reproduce transcripts of this House of Commons, the transcript of this Chat is copyrighted by Stratics, and anyone wishing to post a transcript of this chat must provide links back to both on the page where the transcript is posted as well as in any news announcements presented on the hosting site, or sent to other sites.

Then again, maybe if I link to EQ Stratics several times in rapid succession they won’t go David Boies on my ass.

Hmm, one of those looks off. Oh well. But it should be good enough to get away with a brief quote:

[Absor] Nerf bat is no drop.

THERE YOU HAVE it. Courtesy of EQ STRATICS and don’t you forget it. I’m sure they’ll have the entire transcript up shortly, once it is examined for rogue proxy ports.

Copyright and trademarked. Registration applied for. Patent pending. (C) 1966-2000 Lum the Mad, a wholly owned subsidiary of Lum’s Other Half.


I will let the screenshots speak for themselves.

At this point, I stopped taking screenshots because I was laughing too hard. We’ll just leave it at, “It took me over two minutes to plummet from above the skyline into the center of Fort Tethana.”

Knowing now that Bael’Zharon is being run by “Nei/Devilmouse/Jesse,” I’ll concede that perhaps a point or two I had previously made were a bit rash. However, public perception and an “admin” breaking RP are two points I will stand firm on.

If you’re on the Morningthaw server and find my liver anywhere, there’s a reward for its return.


A quick background before we continue. The bumpfuzzler’s of the CoD Discussion Boards have been covered here before, and for the most part, I disagreed with the viewpoints of the prior authors. After all, it is just a message board consisting mostly of individuals who know each other well, and it’s well within their right to be silly. However, in this past month, the board has taken a turn. What was once mindless banter and some silly bumpfuzzling, has turned into a sexually charged “romper room.” This, on its own, is again not a problem – Please refer back to the part where I say it’s just a message board and people have their rights. The focus of this story has to do with one new specific member to that community, “Dawn Under.” Even by the previous standards of the board, she’s an incorrigible flirt. Mmmkay? Moving on.

The problem contained within this story does not have to do with the actions of that board or the individuals there, but the fact that these biases suspiciously find their way into a game, with complete disregard to the immersion and suspension of disbelief. Let’s start with the first screenshot.

“Want a Hostess Twinkie?”

To simple folk like me, it’s easy: the admin-run character should ignore that question. You’re offering a brand name Twinkie to a big bad demon… Believe it or not, he accepts.

Why stop there? Suppose you offer a a big bad demon a fruit pie. What would a simple person like me think? Ok, the first time might have been in good fun (Turbine is known for having a great sense of humor), and this time he’ll ignore it. Right?

Not only does he accept, but he “munches away.”

After that, the big bad demon left. You’d think it was over.

Are you trying to tell me that an admin-run big bad demon just summoned someone to a isolate location after they gave it hostess Twinkies and fruit pies? Ok, I’ll bite. He’s going to kill her now for her stupidity?


Ahh, I get it. Joke is on me, right? This is one of those Windfeather type jokes where you gotta really pay attention to get the punch line, and it’s coming up any minute now…

Tell me I didn’t just read that this big bad demon buffed someone who gave him a Hostess Twinkie. Just in case you had any doubt, here are the spells on her “Spells in Effect” list.

Call me an optimist, but at this point I still hoped these were horrid debuffs masked as positive spells.

Quite frankly, I’m not quite sure what to make of this. On one hand most of my skepticism is put to rest due to Turbine’s history for taking things lightly. On the other hand, the logical side of my brain tells me: “What are you stupid? This is a shameless flirt from a board the guys running this demon come to. They have penises and are being unprofessional and biased. Can’t you do the math?”

This is supposed to be the biggest, baddest demon known to the entire game thus far. It’s the demon you swear loyalty to in order to become PK, and he’s accepting Hostess Twinkies, munching away, and then summoning the individual who gave him the Twinkies to an isolated location to buff her?

I’ll leave you with one final screenshot, in case you had any doubt.


The only way we’re not flexible is that you don’t get to pick your character’s gender. One of the mistakes our competitors have been making is not to make their games ‘female friendly’ enough. We’re going to solve this in Origin by assigning your account a random gender when you register, so you will either get to play all female characters, or all male characters. That way we’ll have an equal mix of female and male avatars.


Designer o’ Stuff

I can’t tell you what a great idea this is. Its about time developers realized that they’ve left entirely too much control about gender in the hands of the players. This SHOULD be randomly generated so that we can stop all this nonsense of men playing females to get phat lewt and prey on unsuspecting young men trying to get a date in MMORPGs. Kudos to Windfeather for designing a game with such ground-breaking ideas and the courage to come right out and post it on the UO2 boards.

MERRY CHRISTMAS, YOU’RE FIRED. [Author: Savant] recently reports:

We have received confirmed reports that Hasbro has laid off over 150 people at Wizards of the Coast and their budget has been cut severely.

They continue to say:

We have also received reports about a brutal budget slashing. It has been reduced to 10% of what it is, over 90% of the money has been cut off.

Finally, according to MTGNews, “…we heard that Peter Adkinson, President of Wizards of the Coast, has resigned in disgust.”

While cruising the Wizards website for any confirmation, I ran across this small blurb about their new upcoming NBA Trading Card Game with some possible relevance:

“The NBA is one of the most respected and popular sports organizations in the world,” said Vince Caluori, president of Wizards of the Coast. “This new trading card game will be fast paced with realistic strategy and playmaking to give game players simulated NBA action.”

Call me crazy, but I always thought Christmas was supposed to be a time of bonuses for employees.


From the Desk that serves as the nucleus of God-like power at OSI*:

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The UO Customer eSupport System is a searchable knowledge base through which you can find answers to common questions about Ultima Online, browse frequently asked questions, send email, and rate the helpfulness of the information you find within the system. We are currently beta-testing this application and plan to release it to the public early next week. However, we can certainly use your comments and feedback! If you have a question or concern regarding Ultima Online, we hope you’ll take the time over the next several days to visit the eSupport System and try it out. Does it offer valid and timely answers to questions? Is it easy to navigate and understand? Would you use it again to find answer to your questions? Simply send us your comments and feedback using the new system – we’re interesting in hearing your opinions!

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